Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
