you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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