I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
