So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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