Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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