Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
