i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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