...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
