Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
