I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
BRING THE BAGELS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
