How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
