there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
