...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
