Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
