I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you win again, gameday.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
