hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
