i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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