Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
