True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can't special order awesome
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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