Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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