Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize