Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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