I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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