honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
