how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
