According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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