I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
