How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I will die if light touches me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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