I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
