Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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