You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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