I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
