He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
