But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
