I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
