I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
