what day is it and did you see me today?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
