Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
