You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
