I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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