yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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