There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
