i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
