so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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