So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
