My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
