Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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