I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
