No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
