I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Randomize
