why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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