your parents love me but you hate me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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