Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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