I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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