We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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