He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
MIDGETS
????
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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