I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
