Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
