do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
