I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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