Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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