if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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