he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Even my vagina gasped.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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