Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
