marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
