if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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