he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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