his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
