i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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