1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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