My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
