I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
